Judy On-Air
A Collection of My Podcast Interviews“Wowsa! This was an awesome show! I had at least 3 A-ha moments. Thank you for your expertise!” ~ Maleah
“Judy, so inspired by your story! Was taking notes left and right! Loved the show!” ~ Tryphenna
Judy’s Guest Speaker Appearances
Move Life Forward, Differently. Casual conversation to inspire everyday risk taking ~ all for the sake of building a life that is in alignment with your values.
Turn Conflict into Connection with Judy Graybill
What an immense JOY it was to have been Carla Reeves’ guest on her podcast, Differently. Having known each other for about a year through the Mind Well Collective, we also shared the stage in March this year at the Mind Well Retreat. Not surprisingly, we share a few of the same interests such as journaling and the importance of mindset.
Today’s topic is something we both feel passionate about. The conversation started with Carla asking me to share my catalyst that ignited this passion. Then we dive into the expansive mindset needed to up-level your relationship, even if you’re the only one working on it and frequently arguing. We break down where people often get stuck and what to do instead to get different results, including an example from a recent client session and Carla’s personal experience.
I think you’ll come away with a fresh idea or two on how to foster a deeper connection with your loved ones, even the challenging situations. But don’t take my word for it. Listen in, and then message me here to let me know if you agree (or not). And download my free TEAMwork (sm) Model to keep you on track.
Show Notes:
The quality of our relationships is vital to our well-being.
If you’ve ever felt resigned in your relationship or marriage feeling like nothing can change unless your partner is willing to do the work too – today’s conversation will give you hope AND give you some tangible ideas for where YOU can do DIFFERENTLY in a way that changes the dance of the relationship.
Judy Graybill joins us today. She is a Relationship Healer and Certified Step Family Coach specializing in high conflict relationships and today she generously shares her own personal journey, challenges and what makes her so passionate about helping others thrive in this area.
Get ready to open your mind to new perspective and explore things like…
- The role and importance that your frame of mind, your willingness and your approach play in having truly productive conversations
- How changing your dance inside the relationship can make ALL the difference,
- And, so much more…
We hope our conversation opens your mind and stirs your heart to reveal new places to where you can make headway to heal and restore harmony where it matters most.
The Father Show is a weekly podcast providing info to help men be the best versions of themselves.
The 3 Blocks of Intimacy
I’m honored to have a second opportunity to talk with Mike Thompson. It felt like a meeting-of-minds with a friend. The conversation flowed so well that this is nearly an hour long, and yet time flew by us.
Although the information is geared toward issues that men specifically face, I think women will recognize where they, too, fit into the equation. As such, anyone in a committed long-term relationship will likely find some value in listening.
Show Notes:
This week’s episode is with Judy Graybill who is a relationship healer and a certified stepfamily coach. Judy works with men, women, and couples who repeatedly argue, can’t agree on a solution, and long to feel the connection again. She’s gifted at identifying a strategy that can transform conflict into connection and partnership.
Everything we talk about today focus on how men are being in a relationship. The 3 blocks of intimacy. Are you focusing on the end goal and what is that? Men must learn how to truly be intimate within their relationship. To really have a connection with the person you are in a relationship with. What does that mean and how can we get there? She tells us to think about empowerment.
Judy has published 2 free e-books available on her website. You can find her on Instagram, YouTube, BlogTalkRadio and www.JudyGraybill.com, and stay tuned for more from Judy.
Join me for skills that work, guest experts, and new perspectives to help you *bring out the best in your teen* (rather than trying to prevent the worst).
Step-Family Parenting with Judy Graybill
Fern Weis is a Parenting Coach and colleague whom I recently reconnected with. We wanted to pull together our combined knowledge to offer something of value for both of our communities. Parenting styles is the obvious dissection. Parenting styles can clash with kids’ personalities. That dynamic becomes more complex within a stepfamily, especially when it’s different than their new partner’s style of parenting.
Show Notes:
Just as there isn’t much preparation for parenting your ‘own’ children, nothing can prepare you for parenting your step-children… until now.
Parenting in a stepfamily is a whole new world. My guest, Step-Family Coach Judy Graybill, shares her personal experiences and professional learning to help you better understand the blended family dynamic. Her biggest takeaway for you is that a healthy relationship with your partner is the foundation for parenting and connecting with your step-children. I hear that loud and clear; parenting is about the parents.
Amicable Divorce Expert, Judith Weigle, shares her insights and experiences in the world of Divorce as a negotiator and communication specialist, helping thousands do the near impossible: Amicable Divorces.
Stepfamilies 101
Are you a new stepfamily, or preparing to blend households? Or a professional who wants to understand the phenomena of remarriages better? This is a great place to start. We dive under the surface of the primary challenges facing stepfamilies to explain the root ~ when the challenges start, why, and what you can do to minimize their effects. We even touch on co-parenting. Finally, Judith asks me about my approach to help my clients navigate the rough terrain back to a place of harmony. We cover a LOT of ground in only 1 hour. This episode is jam-packed with information you can use at any level of your stepfamily experience, regardless of how long you’ve been at it.
Show Description
Graybill’s approach to blended stepfamilies starts with the communication about parenting styles and parenting rules between the biological and new stepparent first, then transitions to a family Mission Statement that includes the children. Graybill also discusses how bringing the loss experienced from the divorce has to be acknowledged and dealt with as the biological, newly divorced parent enters another relationship that includes a blended family.
Erica Blocker’s mission with this series is to empower divorced women during women’s history month.
Peaceful CoParenting After Divorce
It was my great honor that Erica invited me to be one of her featured speakers in this mini telesummit. Divorce changes you on the deepest level, just like marriage, except the effect is most often painful. The losses are not just financial. You’re also enduring the loss of a dream, your family, and sometimes friends. If you have children, you also feel responsible for their emotional adjustment. Then there’s legal proceedings, the logistics of re-establishing yourself, co-parenting, and being a single mom. All while you navigate the throes of your own emotional turmoil. It requires grit, ingenuity, and tenacity; But it takes time and effort to summon it forth. In many ways, you end up reinventing yourself.
In this interview, Erica and I discuss how to do this in the context of co-parenting with an ex whom you may not like and hold a lot resentment toward. Even if you set the intention to “do what’s in the best interest for the kids”, it’s still not easy. The unresolved issues with your ex will hinder your co-parenting despite your best interests. Healing your issues within yourself, on your own terms, in your own time, will result in peaceful co-parenting. Your bonus will be a tighter bond with your children. Listen in via the link above. For extra support, download my free mini-ebook on the 5 Steps to Peaceful Co-Parenting.
Show Notes:
In this session, you’ll be encouraged to:
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- recognize when it’s time to leave and when to stay in a marriage
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- understand how shifting your negative feelings helps you heal
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- adapt effective co-parenting strategies
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- heal yourself to be a better parent and so much more!
THE Amicable Divorce Expert, Judith Weigle, shares her insights and experiences in divorce mediation and communication, helping thousands of couples accomplish the near impossible, amicable divorces.
2nd Marriage CoParenting Tips
I returned to The Amicable Divorce Expert podcast for my 3rd appearance. This time, Judith and I dove into co-parenting challenges within remarriages, and how it can quickly go sideways.
Societal norms of “motherhood” vs “fatherhood” will translate to different experiences for stepmoms vs stepdads. Several factors outside of the step parent’s control affects how quickly a step parent can form a relationship with the step-children. Factors such as expectations of the biological parent placed upon him/her, the age of the children, (dis)similar parenting styles, and whether the ex-spouse healed to the point of an emotional divorce.
What I like most about this discussion is that we got the opportunity to touch upon a few items that most of the stepfamily material doesn’t cover. I also share 5 Action Steps to Smooth Co-Parenting and the 5 Parenting Styles. Listen in to learn all of this and more. Then message me from my Contact Me page to let me know what you think.
Show Notes:
THE Amicable Divorce Expert interviews Judy Graybill, Step-Parent Coach, on the best ways to be a step-parent in a second marriage. Second marriages are tough for several reasons, but there are empowering things you can do about it:
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- If the biological parents haven’t healed from their divorce, the step-parent inherits the trauma from their marriage. That trauma will play out in the co-parents’ relationship, in the co-parents’ relationship with their children, and will permeate the relationship in the second marriage between the step-parent and biological parent.
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- Initially, the step parent should step back from trying to parent their way, and instead follow the parenting style of their partner, to increase likelihood of harmony. As they build an organic relationship with the step-child over time, their influence with the children will grow commensurately.
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- The age of the children should be considered when figuring out how to handle the presenting challenges. Kids who are 9 yrs old and older need more time to adjust to their new family. As such, the step parent should take a slow approach to bonding and getting involved.
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- If the step-parent and their biological parent spouse have different parenting styles, this becomes friction in their relationship.
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- Biological Dad in the 2nd marriage plays a key role in the relationship between the mom and step mom. If he has unrealistic expectations of step mom, she’ll find herself accidentally stepping on mom’s toes.
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- Boundaries need to be established between the biological parent and ex-spouse, in order to minimize conflict between households, as well as with the current spouse (the step parent).
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- Step-parents need to be mindful of speaking well of the other biological parent regardless of how the step-parent feels about that parent.
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- Two-way communication of expectations between the step parent and biological parent should be ongoing, although can feel repetitive.
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- Keep the conversation with the other biological parent specific to co-parenting rather than anything personal.
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- All co-parents ~ biological, step, and ex’s ~ would do well to learn and understand common stepfamily dynamics to help prepare for potential challenges, which will help them sidestep or navigate through.
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- Any co-parent who can keep their side of the street clean will facilitate a positive relationship with all other parties.
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- For holidays, it’s advisable for the step-parent to learn the family traditions of her family so to avoid inadvertently hurting the feeling of the other parent, while simultaneously creating new traditions that are unique to the step-parent and their step-children.
The best-case scenarios typically happen when the biological parent heals completely after their divorce, and is able to gain closure from their 1st marriage prior to remarrying. Called an Emotional Divorce, this facilitates co-parenting communications, and has best outcomes for the children. Then, when there is an issue between the step-parent and co-parents over ideologies or logistics in decisions for the children, nobody feels threatened or undermined. Thus, it’s easier to answer the question, “What would give the children the healthiest and happiest life? What would keep the peace and provide harmony in both households?”
Otherwise, if an emotional divorce is not achieved, the issues that ended the marriage can easily play out in co-parenting and influence the step-parent. Therapy for all three adults together can help work on the current blended parenting relationship if all parents want the relationship to work, and want to be the best parents they can be, minus the titles of biological and step. Children would like nothing more than for everyone to get along.
Bottom Line: Be a healthy Role Model for the kids, advocating the positive values you hold dear, even if you have to do it silently. This is ultimately what the kids learn.
How to Blend a Family
Dads and Step Dads, this one’s for you. Dads get torn in the middle between their wife and children, or between their current (2nd) wife and ex (1st)-wife. Everybody runs to him when things go wrong, and expects him to fix it. How does he make everyone happy? Can he? It’s possible, but rarely happens. That was the inspiration for this episode. We delve into various dynamics of remarriages with children, but pertaining specifically to men, which moms don’t experience the same way. On a personal note, this interview marked another “first” in my career. In my 12+ years of doing guest speaker interviews, this is the first time I was asked to speak on the unique challenges beset men in the blended family equation. It was such an honor.
Show Notes:
Do you feel like you are stuck in the middle, pulled from every direction? When the only thing you want is to blend your kids with your new love and her kids. Learn how to blend your family with Certified Step-family Coach & Relationship Expert Judy Graybill. She gives insight as to how to discipline and how to have realistic expectations.
Doing the Hard Tasks and Parental Influence in Blended Families
Joel gets me to share a couple personal experiences that I’ve never before shared publicly, which becomes a talking point for common trials of a step parent. Listen in on how I twisted it to my advantage. We continue with applying Joel’s 5th Commandment of Blended Families to a frequently heard complaint among remarriages when co-parenting. We finish by sharing resources and a pop quiz just for fun. There’s golden nuggets for step parents throughout the interview. You’ll finish the hour feeling wiser, and yet surprised you didn’t have to work at understanding. Joel’s interview style is so conversational that you naturally relate and learn.
Show Description / Notes
In this interview, Judy discussed a number of different ways to improve your blended family dynamics, starting with doing the hard work necessary to make your family function in a more cooperative way. We discussed how both stepparents and bio-parents can have a positive influence on the family and why both are necessary to help a blended family reach its potential. Finally, she shares why it’s important to seek out resources that speak to your unique family situation and dynamics. Enjoy the conversation and help your family grow! “Find what the bio-parent doesn’t want to do, and be willing to do that.” “Choose to believe the best–this is one of the hardest things for ex-spouses to do because they’re worried the other parent is going to screw up their kid.” “Focus on being a more positive influence; kids know and form their own opinions.” “Understand what is unique about your stepfamily and find resources that speak to those aspects of your family.”
Erica Gordon, host of Moms With Dreams: My mission to help women be successful entrepreneurs was born out of my personal pain and life challenges – to help you discover your gifts, your purpose, reconnect with your dreams, and show you how to start your dream business that you put off because you didn’t think you could do it while working your nine to five job and taking care of your family.
Heal and Transform Blended Families & Relationships
Erica, a gifted interviewer and podcast host, brought out a wealth of information from me in the short span of 1 hour. This episode is packed with nuggets about navigating common challenges of blended families, including the 3 questions you need to answer in order to start your journey to create positive change.
Her show notes are so thorough that I don’t have anything more to add. Check them out in the section immediately below this, taken directly from her write-up.
Show Notes:
Contrary to what many people believe, having love for each other is not enough to make a stepfamily work. In fact, it’s the exact opposite and Judy explains why that is.
Biggest Challenge for Blended Families: Difference in Parenting Styles
Judy explained how different parenting styles can add stress to blended families. When both adults have their own way of raising their children, this can lead to arguments and tension unless they know how to communicate and work through their differences.
Another level to this challenge is co-parenting with the ex. Instead of having 2 adults raising children, blended families may have 3 or 4 adults who are involved. It can be very challenging to raise children in an environment where all the adults have different parenting styles and can’t agree.
Risks Associated with Unhealthy Blended Family Environments
Children who grow up in families with tension, constant arguing and unresolved issues often don’t learn how to have healthy relationships as adults. They are at greater risk of having multiple relationships and potentially divorce, according to Judy.
They tend to have low self-esteem and lower grades than children in stable families. In extreme cases, children drop out of high school or run away from home to try to escape their unhealthy environment.
3 Starter Questions to Create Positive Change for your Family:
Who needs to change?
What needs to change?
How does it need to change?
Judy recommends that couples ask themselves these questions. She cautions that if you identify everyone else except yourself for question #1, then you may not be ready for change.
When working with her clients, Judy uses these questions as a baseline to identify the root of their issues. She co-creates a plan that helps couples resolve their issues. During their time together, Judy frequently checks in to see how they’re progressing and determine if any adjustments to the plan are needed.
Judy discussed ‘conscious uncoupling’ as a goal for blended families.
The term ‘conscious uncoupling’ applies to separated or divorced couples. It is the idea of being conscious of how your actions affect other people. When you are conscious of this, you are able to set your feelings aside and deal with them in private so you protect your children, your ex and others from certain behaviors directly related to your feelings.
This can be difficult for couples who end explosively, but it’s something that both parties can work toward. For couples who separate on a more amicable level, such as growing apart or falling out of love over the years, achieving conscious uncoupling is often an easier process.
Conscious uncoupling is beneficial to everyone involved. If you’re struggling with your feelings and finding it hard to cope, you should seek professional help.
Judy’s Parting Words of Wisdom:
“Be willing to challenge your own beliefs. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but it can be one of the most liberating.” ~Judy Graybill
Healthy Love Podcast. Cynthia Clark, Quantum Palmist, Love and Ascension Coach from LoveInYourHands.com, explores the vast topics of love, life and relationships. She brings in her expertise in palmistry, metaphysics, and spirituality; and interviews inspiring guests to help you in all aspects of raising your vibration, mental and emotional health.
The 3 Faces of Love
Cynthia and I had what felt to me like a heart-expanding conversation about love. We talked about a few common pitfalls that people fall into, particularly empaths, and the corresponding obstacles to experiencing deeply satisfying love.
The “3 Faces of Love” are Conventional Love, Distorted Love, and Unconditional Love. Each is discussed separately, but so much more could be said about them. We barely scratched the surface. Additionally, we spoke briefly on codependency, one form of conventional love that’s widely accepted yet often not recognized.
If you crave a deeper level of love and emotional intimacy, this interview could offer some value for you. I’d love to hear your opinion on it if you take the time to listen. Go to my “Contact Me” page to send me a message. 🙂
Show Notes:
Cynthia Clark, Relationship Expert and Palm Reading Consultant from https://loveinyourhands.com interviews Judy Graybill, an International Relationship Expert and Certified Stepfamily Coach. Judy helps couples to work through challenges as a team so they can experience a stronger spousal relationship, harmony, and deeper emotional intimacy. She has helped clients across 5 continents. She is also a speaker, consultant, and workshop facilitator.
THE Amicable Divorce Expert, Judith Weigle, shares her insights and experiences in divorce mediation and communication, helping thousands of couples accomplish the near impossible, amicable divorces.
Holiday Parenting Plans for Blended Families
When scheduling this show, Judith and I whole-heartedly shared the intention to help reduce stress for stepcouples related to holiday planning. Regardless of how the holiday time is divided or how it gets changed or interrupted, you can plan your time with the family in a way that honors old traditions while also creating new ones based on your new identity as a blended family.
We started with a discussion on general stress of the season, and how the dynamics of blended families add to it. The reasons for the self-pressure to make it a perfect holiday is different for the biological parent vs stepparent. That expanded into traditions, both old and new ~ the importance of creating a new identity, yet still honoring your first family in meaningful ways. Splitting the holidays can be tricky, whether in legally binding agreement or verbal. Judith shared the 2 legal ways to change your parenting plan, and I shared what leads to conflict. Judith asked me to give tips for step-parents’ first holiday as a blended family, and I had brief tips on how step-parents can bond with their step-children. If you’re interested in all of my 7 tips for Step-Parents, message me via my “Contact Me” page to request my free e-pamphlet, Seize the Holidays to Bond With Your StepChildren.
Show Notes:
Holidays are stressful enough without the additional effort in organizing co-parenting plans with blended families. These configurations can be anything from everyone gets together in one house, to separating days with the children, to dividing each day between co-parents. Whichever way works best for your family, Judy will support with different approaches to including step-parents, when to include step-parents, how step-parents can create their own dynamic for an amicable extension of the family, and how to eliminate the stress attached to these decisions. Let’s end this year with a Ho-Ho-Ho for All!?
I Left as an Act of Self-Love
I shared my story with Danielle because I think it may help people who stay in unhealthy or toxic relationships too long. People think they’ve “failed” if their relationship ended. Yet, if you’re not being honored for who you truly are, or are losing your sense of “Self” in the relationship, how can that be a “successful relationship”? My story is one example of what that looks like. For me, leaving was the most loving thing I could do for myself. I did it out of self-respect and a desire for more for myself. This is the kind of relationship that our society doesn’t like to talk about. The kind that is often hidden in shadows and ignored. Danielle asked questions to draw out both the crux of the problems – the reason I left – as well as my healing journey back to myself, ultimately leading to my current profession. We ended with some encouragement and tips for anyone else who may find him/herself in a similar situation.
Show Notes:
. Listen to her inspiring story about finding the courage to leave behind #toxic #relationships and how she slowly rebuilt her life from zero.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Don Hutcheson, podcast host: Every week, Don interviews someone who has discovered his or her true talents and abilities, and figured out how to use them doing work she loves.
The podcast series is designed for people of every age and background who are looking to build a life and career that uses the best of who they are to enjoy a life of success, satisfaction, and freedom.
Learning from Her Own Pain, She Helps Stepfamilies Cope
I got under the hood with Don, and shared about the more personal and spiritual side of my journey. Behind my passion for helping people have healthy relationships were some painful moments, like my parents divorce and my intensely emotional breakup of my “dysfunctional stepfamily”. Additionally, I shared a few of my milestones and the winding road that brought me here.
Don’s questions really helped to pull insights and tips out of me that can help others in a similar situation. For example, what helped me to get unstuck, my most powerful lessons, and my suggested steps for success. Finally, he asked me to name a few books that helped me along the way.
Show Notes:
Questions asked:
1) How did you start using your talents?
2) The Most Impactful Turning Point?
3) The Most Powerful Lessons Learned?
4) Steps to Success from Judy Graybill [4 steps given]
5) On Her Bookshelf
6) Connecting with Judy
7) Free Gift [I’ll still honor this if you reference this show]
My Intention / Mission
- Macro Layer: to help more couples have a loving healthy relationship. I squee with delight when I see couples who are genuinely in love. When that love is also healthy, I feel a warm fuzzy. So to be able to help couples experience that is my biggest bliss. It truly is.
- Micro Layer: to expand people’s views on how to have a healthy relationship. That includes teaching a new model of a true partnership that is based on synergy, equality, and teamwork.
- Deeper Layer: to give people tools and strategies for healing their wounds from past relationships so that they are able to open fully into a new experience of a romantic love deeper than they’ve ever felt before. I want as many people as possible to feel the kind of bliss that I know is possible ~ BLISS-CHARGED LOVE.
If this sounds like something you want, and you’re ready to experience love in a whole new way, and think you are ready to take the journey to real love, then click the button below to apply to work with me. I’ll respond within 2-3 business days.
Who is Judy?
Judy Graybill is a Relationship Healer and Certified Stepfamily Coach who specializes in moderate-to-high-conflict relationships. Coaching for nearly 15 years, she’s gifted at identifying where couples get stuck. She helps them develop the mindset and emotional coherence to establish long-term harmony, deeper intimacy, and a stronger partnership.
Her formal degrees are in Sociology and Psychology, complementing her certification as a Stepfamily Coach, personal experience, and subsequent healing journey.
As a child of divorce, Judy has first-hand knowledge of dysfunctional family patterns. They followed her into adulthood and 4 “failed relationships”, culminating in a painful but amicable ending to her high-conflict stepfamily experience. Feeling heartbroken, confused, and resentful, Judy set out to be happy and whole again. Through a Personal & Spiritual Journey, Judy managed to heal her complex trauma without traditional therapy. That ignited her passion to help others through similar experiences.
In addition to coaching, Judy speaks, writes, and facilitates in-person workshops. And, she’s a member of the Mind Well Collective.