Welcome to my virtual home. I’m honored that you want to get to know me ~ enough that you’ve clicked into the “Meet Judy” room. It’s my hope to get to know you, too. So grab a seat and a cup of tea or coffee. Let’s begin.
“Real love is not for the faint of heart.
Real Love takes effort, but is well worth it when the payoff comes back to you tenfold.”
~ Judy Graybill (me)
The Journey: A Quick Word
The first phase of the journey is the toughest because those of us who take this journey to real love, quite frankly, have not learned how – have simply not seen a healthy loving relationship modeled to us. Learning new skills takes time and practice, practice, practice. We have to apply our new knowledge and skills to our personal relationships in order to hone them. That’s how we truly understand ~ grok ~ a new way of loving and being. As we learn, apply, and adapt, we expand (grow) and then repeat. Over repetitions of this cycle, the learning gets easier and our relationships smooth out. At some point, we find ourselves having healthier relationships. Then it becomes a thing – regular and consistent. Then we find ourselves helping others do the same thing. That’s when we really know we’re achieving something.
This is my story. Everything I teach, coach, and advocate are things I’ve done for myself in my own personal journey.
“Judy provided very insightful counseling, offering both feedback and specific techniques. She was always professional, compassionate, and focused on the welfare of our family.”
Why I do what I do ~ My Story
My parents divorced when I was about 8 yrs old. My mom didn’t remarry because she learned about stepfamily dynamics the hard way, although didn’t have a term for it. See, my dad was her 2nd marriage, and was a stepdad to her kids from her 1st husband. That did NOT go smoothly. As a result, all my half-sisters left home within a few years, at ages 18, 16, and 15, respectively.
Both of my parents dated other people after their divorce. I distinctly remember how I liked my mom’s boyfriend, but vehemently hated my dad’s girlfriend. I didn’t analyze the reasons for that until a couple decades later after my own stepfamily experience as an acting stepmom.
Being a stepmom was the toughest role I ever walked. It was a true love story, but we learned the hard way that sometimes love isn’t enough. Because we couldn’t resolve our issues (stepfamily dynamics related to parenting, money, and non-existent boundaries with the ex), tension mounted in the house like a snowball rolling down a hill doomed for disaster. Even our date nights ended in shouting matches. We finally saw a Relationship Counselor as a last resort. But, having no knowledge or experience of stepfamily dynamics, she wasn’t able to help us. Feeling hopeless, heart-broken, confused, and full of resentment, we separated.
This propelled me onto a path of healing. Finding The Stepfamily Foundation seemed like fate. It was my first avenue for comprehending how we unwittingly sabotaged ourselves. Alas, my passion was born for helping other stepfamilies resolve their challenges instead of enduring the pain and suffering of a separation. Thus, becoming a Certified Stepfamily Coach was a no-brainer for me.
My Values & Beliefs
TEAMwork, authenticity, and being a forever-student
These are cornerstone values for the wider array of traits comprising my coaching style. They’re key factors in developing a healthy relationship.
Compassion, Understanding, Deep Listening
Companions to Forgiveness and doing the inner work (i.e. Shadow Work ~ healing the Wounded Inner Child). All are hallmarks of the experiential aspect of coaching with me. These are key contributors to maintaining a healthy relationship, transforming a dispassionate or dysfunctional relationship, or embarking on a Journey to Real Love.
Real Love ~ True Love ~ Unconditional Love
I BELIEVE IN LOVE!
The reason is because I’ve attained it. I believe that we all deserve it, but that most people don’t know how to experience it. I further believe that you can attain it, too, and experience a deeply loving, emotionally-fulfilling relationship. I want to help you experience that.
Genuineness in Attempt and Desire
All of these things I mention are not simply things I advocate or teach as a coach. They make up the essence of who I am as a person. I’m not saying I do them perfectly 100% of the time, because I do recognize my humanness, and believe that each of us is a “work in progress”. Yet, I’ve learned there needs to be a genuine attempt and desire for these things in order to have and sustain a healthy loving relationship.
“Judy will provide massive value. She has an uncanny ability to provide insight and perspective that you’ve probably never experienced. Most importantly though, she knows that you’re the only person who truly knows about your situation and uses powerful questions to draw out and use your own, innate knowledge.“
Who I Help
My preference is to work with couples together, because you’ll get the quickest results when both of you extend equal effort simultaneously. Yet, some partners are not ready for coaching for whatever reason (and there are many valid reasons for this). Therefore, I also coach individuals who desire to improve their current relationship. Note: You’ll still get results, albeit slower, by learning to discern where you have real vs. false influence.
My specialty is helping people breakthrough unhealthy relationship patterns, so they can experience more intimacy, harmony, a stronger spousal connection, and deeper love.
Most of my clientele are remarried with children, of which some need co-parenting help with an ex-spouse. Additionally, I coach couples who don’t identify as a blended family. Adult children of divorce are a subset as well.
Couples who come to me are genuinely in love with each other and desire to stay together, but are plagued with frequent arguments. Examples:
- (im)proper discipline over the children
- poor co-parenting with an ex-spouse
- past infidelity (lack of trust)
- unmet emotional needs
- putting others outside the relationship first over you
- low or no physical intimacy
- many âpetty argumentsâ (creating tension due to the quantity).
These are merely a slice, for some donât easily fit into any category. Common denominator: ongoing tension!
The core of what I help couples do is to work together as a team to create their desired home life. Teamwork between a couple has the potential of eliminating over 80% of the common stepfamily challenges. For both stepfamilies and non-step families, teamwork is the foundation for deeper emotional intimacy.
The benefits of coaching with me is a stronger spousal connection, a feeling of empowerment, harmony, more intimacy, and peace at home. Clients’ most common praises of me are being insightful (giving them a-haâs) and giving real-world solutions.
“Judy was extremely helpful and had some suggestions that I had not done before. she encouraged me to take action and also take a step back in the same sense. Confirmed some things I have been dealing with and suggestions on how to accomplish what I want to or at least try to do! I would suggest anyone and everyone to speak with Judy. You will not regret it.”
My Approach
As I continued to heal myself with the help of many mentors and coaches, I developed my personal approach. It is a synthesis of my knowledge of stepfamily dynamics gained through my certification as a Stepfamily Coach, supplemented by my personal experience as an acting childless stepmom, and my understanding of human nature gained through my formal degrees in Psychology and Sociology. As such, my approach is exclusive, and customized to fit the uniqueness within each family.
I formed my company, Sensible Steps, LLC, in June 2008. After several years of focusing specifically on stepfamily dynamics, I expanded my reach to include more co-parenting with an ex-spouse. Now, I’ve expanded a bit more to include couples and first families who don’t identify as a blended family. Because “relationship issues” need to be dealt with first, prior to “stepfamily dynamics”, I see this as a natural progression, especially since I had already been delving into relationship issues with couples.
“Judy is an excellent resource for those of us that are in blended families. She is a thoughtful and intelligent individual who communicates real-world solutions to the everyday problems that we experience. Judy is honest and straightforward and provides down-to-earth advice and not theoretical solutions. I would definitely recommend Judy’s services.”
“I am very pleased by Judy Graybill’s approach to coaching. She gives practical solutions on how to improve communications between the step parent and the biological parent, as well as how to solve problems that may arise between the step parent and the step child. I definitely recommend her coaching service to any one who is blending a step family.”
My Intention / Mission
- Macro Layer: to help more couples have a loving healthy relationship. I squee with delight when I see couples who are genuinely in love. When that love is also healthy, I feel a warm fuzzy. So to be able to help couples experience that is my biggest bliss. It truly is.
- Micro Layer: to expand people’s views on how to have a healthy relationship. That includes teaching a new model of a true partnership that is based on synergy, equality, and teamwork.
- Deeper Layer: to give people tools and strategies for healing their wounds from past relationships so that they are able to open fully into a new experience of a romantic love deeper than they’ve ever felt before. I want as many people as possible to feel the kind of bliss that I know is possible ~ BLISS-CHARGED LOVE.
If this sounds like something you want, and you’re ready to experience love in a whole new way, and think you are ready to take the journey to real love, then click the button below to schedule a complimentary session with me (one full hour). We’ll discuss your situation and come up with a couple practical actionable steps you can take to move forward.
Who is Judy?
Judy Graybill is a Relationship Healer and Certified Stepfamily Coach who specializes in moderate-to-high-conflict relationships. Coaching for nearly 15 years, sheâs gifted at identifying where couples get stuck. She helps them develop the mindset and emotional coherence to establish long-term harmony, deeper intimacy, and a stronger partnership.
Her formal degrees are in Sociology and Psychology, complementing her certification as a Stepfamily Coach, personal experience, and subsequent healing journey.
As a child of divorce, Judy has first-hand knowledge of dysfunctional family patterns. They followed her into adulthood and 4 âfailed relationshipsâ, culminating in a painful but amicable ending to her high-conflict stepfamily experience. Feeling heartbroken, confused, and resentful, Judy set out to be happy and whole again. Through a Personal & Spiritual Journey, Judy managed to heal her complex trauma without traditional therapy. That ignited her passion to help others through similar experiences.
In addition to coaching, Judy speaks, writes, and facilitates in-person workshops. And, sheâs a member of the Mind Well Collective.